Northern Muse
by MrsLJG5
Summary: This is a revised version to the continuing story between Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Suzanne McNamara. She is hiding a secret, one so powerful that it brings the two together. 1/28/2014: Update. Chapter Two. 2/5/14 update: Chapter 3.
1. The Letter

_A/N: The following is inspired by Van Morrison songs: "__**Northern Muse/When Heart is Open"**__ and __**"**__**Steal My Heart Away**__**.**__" The notations in bold print are the lyrics and used only as a reference to emotion, musical scenery. _

Gibbs was more receptive to love, with inspiration from his girlfriend, Suzanne. His days were preoccupied with her in the forefront. Having her work nearby was both a blessing and a distraction. Their romantic connection remained a well-guarded secret during winter. His feelings for Suzanne grew more, and Gibbs' heart opened more. Those closest to him noticed a softer less-abrasive Jethro Gibbs.

**_And she moves on the solid ground_**

**_And she shines light all around_**

**_And she moves on the solid ground  
In the County Down_**

**_And she moves on the solid earth  
And she knows what her wisdom is worth  
And she moves on the solid ground  
In the County Down_**

**_She lifts me up  
Fill my cup  
When I'm tired and weary, Lord_**

**_And she keeps the flame  
And she gives me hope  
Carry on_**

One afternoon, he glanced outside the window, watching Suzanne leave the facility for class. She was bundled, grey quilted coat, boots with closely fitted cap and gloves.

**_And when heart is open_**

**_And when heart is open  
You will change just like a flower slowly openin'  
And when heart is open  
You will change just like a flower slowly openin'  
When there's no comin'  
And there's no goin'  
And when heart is open  
You will meet your lover_**

**_ Oh, hand me down my old great coat_**

**_Oh, hand me down my old great coat  
I believe I'll go walkin' in the woods  
_**

Occasionally, Suzanne stopped by for coffee refills, just saying a quick hello before performing another task. When available, Gibbs rode the elevator to the bottom floor, retrieving his own coffee.

**_"When Heart is Open, You will meet your lover"_**

**_"When heart is open, it will change, it will change, it will change…it'll be a different world, completely different world… when heart is open, you will change." _**

In the early mornings, Gibbs stopped by to grab a quick coffee in the canteen setup. Suzanne arrived to work at 4 o'clock, sometimes 5 AM, and worked in solitude. Often she was alone, since she was solely in charge of cart command. They'd talked, with Gibbs assisting, lifting the heavier items.

"Thanks, Gibbs." The smile began his day easier, more lighthearted. Suzanne appreciated the early morning company.

"Why are you here?"

**_"When heart is open, it will change, it will change, it will change…it'll be a different world, completely different world… when heart is open, you will change." _**

"I'm usually awake." Gibbs responded. It was true. He often awake during the night, thinking about Suzanne. "Figured you could use a hand."

Gibbs' help allowed the two to share a cup of coffee and conversation, just he and she, without distractions of work, school or inquiring minds within MTAC. It was a small table.

"Your coffee..." He smiled, Suzanne poured. "…is an aphrodisiac."

"My special blend. It's a secret." Suzanne smiled.

"Why aren't you married, Suzanne?" Gibbs sipped on his coffee. "You're a beautiful girl…"

"I never made it through a year of dating." She responded. "I've been focused on my education instead of dating, marrying." Gibbs admired her hands, how her French-tipped manicured nails curled around her coffee cup. The steam from the coffee gently fogged her glasses. Suzanne removed her glasses, fanning them to remove the excess steam. Jethro noticed small bags underneath.

"Michael proposed, said he couldn't imagine the rest of life without me. Blame it on Lord Byron: '_Zoë mou, sas agapo.'"_

"Romantic…" Gibbs complimented_. _"My life, I love you in Greek."

"Guess we were in love." She concluded. Suzanne was visibly uncomfortable, hands and voice shaking in uncertainty. Gibbs noticed.

"I accepted on one condition: let me finish the first year of law school. He had a ring and everything, proposed to me when we came back." Suzanne mentioned, fluttered her ring finger.

"Michael agreed. He planned to work at University Hospital; I was accepted into Georgetown. We planned on living in Washington-separate places, of course."

"Of course." Gibbs agreed. "Because you're not easy…" He quoted the line which made him chuckle.

Gibbs remained attentive.

"La Senora Nora…La Reina—the Queen."

Suzanne pulled a picture from her Peace Corps days from her handmade wallet—placed it on the table. In the photo, they smiled, holding their quilts. Suzanne chuckled slightly from remembrance.

"It took me about a year to become a member of the sewing guild. Nora taught me."

Gibbs placed his hand on Suzanne's shoulder, stroked the base of her neck lovingly as she spoke.

"Rule 20: finish what you started." Gibbs stated. Suzanne nodded in agreement. "You're almost finished with the program."

"In four months…" Suzanne's smile grew. "You're actually the first man I've dated in two years."

_Making progress, Gibbs thought. _ She _almost _got married.

"How am I doing?"

"Fantastic." Suzanne touched Gibbs' hand. "I feel like I'm special."

"You are special, Suzanne." Gibbs squeezed her hand. "You are very special."

Gibbs spoke from his heart: Suzanne was very special to him.

* * *

Sometimes, Special Agent Gibbs had a nighttime companion, a friend to cuddle with some nights. He agreed, reluctantly, to watch her dog, Fred when Suzanne had late classes.

Fred was a canine veteran who needed a home. As a surprise, Suzanne's parents adopted Fred, a golden Labrador mix, called during the holidays to, mocking her mother's tone, "come pick up your dog..." Her doggie care days were over!

The furry companion grew to Gibbs, as his fast barks alerted that someone came into the home. Labradors had a reputation for intelligence and friendliness. The canine persona was similar to Gibbs—always alert and selective about space. Mondays and Wednesdays were Suzanne's longest days, beginning work at 3:30 for deliveries, stocking and inventory and ending at 10 o'clock, leaving a night class. Tuesdays and Thursdays were shorter shift days, allowing Suzanne to work only 6 hour days—9 am to 3pm.

Suzanne drove to the house after a particularly long, tedious evening in class and a tension-filled research frenzy in Georgetown's stacks—the law library. Fred spent the afternoon and evening with Jethro. The front door remained unlocked, and she would come inside, walking downstairs to the basement, dropping her backpack at the front door. Suzanne knocked softly.

**_The journey's longer than_**

**_I thought my love  
There's lots of things  
Get in the way  
But every time I think of you  
You just steal my heart away_**

"Come on in, Sugar." Once Fred stopped the incessant barking, he knew it was Suzanne.

"I just came back from the library." Suzanne sat in the chair. "I came by to get Fred before heading home." The dog was resting beside Gibbs.

"Spend the night." Gibbs responded, concentrating on his carpentry work. "It's after midnight—too late for you to drive back and forth."

"Gibbs, I don't have a change of clothes-just underwear in the glove compartment."

He turned away and focused his attention on Suzanne.

"I know there's an explanation for underwear in the glove compartment…" Gibbs chuckled. He walked towards her. He leaned towards Suzanne, still sitting on the barstool.

"I don't wear gloves." Suzanne whispered, that impish smile appeared on her face.

"Well…" Gibbs removed her glasses. He kissed her sweetly, tenderly. "You don't need clothes to sleep."

Suzanne smiled.

"Also, I'd like to see…" Gibbs unbuttoned one of many from her oxford shirt, kissing, unbuttoned another button to the shirt, "…what is underneath the clothing…"

"Not yet." Suzanne replied.

"Sugar…" Jethro tried to persuade Suzanne. She chuckled softly, continually saying no.

**_ Just like the sunshine after rain_**

**_I'll come  
To be with you will save the day  
'Cos I know  
When I'm with you again  
You just steal my heart away_**

"Only because it's you…" Jethro grinned. "There's an extra pair of sweat clothes in the dryer." With his eyes, he estimated her size. "I'll be upstairs." He kissed Suzanne on the cheek.

Moments later, Suzanne emerged from his restroom and joined Gibbs in his bedroom. He usually slept on the couch. That evening was a special occasion. He never allowed overnight guests, whether coworkers or lovers. No one ever ventured upstairs. She was surprised to see a very quaint bedroom, complete with handmade quilts. He tapped the side, alerting Suzanne to join.

The lights were off. Though tempted by the smell of lavender nearby and memories of simply sharing a bed with a woman, Gibbs remained a gentleman, stayed an proper distance. Suzanne slept on her side. He did, however, placed a hand lovingly on her shoulder.

"Good night, Gibbs."

"Good night, Suz."

Suzanne heard car backfire, immediately rolling out the bed. She remained asleep. The sudden thud cued Fred, sleeping at the doorway, to bark. The constant barks alerted Gibbs.

"Michael! Michael!" She called frantically. Suzanne's mindset was in the Peace Corps.

"Susie?" Gibbs muttered. Gibbs jumped out of bed, noticed Suzanne in the corner—eyes closed, swinging.

"Michael, come on!"

"Hey! Hey!"

Gibbs hurried to her side, turned on his small lamp. Gently rocking her, Suzanne's eyes opened. She looked confused, dazed.

"It's Jethro Gibbs, Susie."

It made sense. Suzanne displayed characteristics for PTSD—Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some would classify, categorize Suzanne with the diagnosis. It never manifested in her "outward" appearance. She appeared cool and calm. Maybe—she was too cool and calm. The Peace Corps offered counseling. Suzanne declined, citing she was 'perfectly fine.' Smart-assed comments from DiNozzo improved her quick-thinking quips, masked the pain from that second Peace Corps assignment outward. Gibbs understood. Instead of talking, he held her, caressed her gently in his arms. It was needed. It was right. Gibbs gently kissed Suzanne on her lips, then her forehead.

Moments passed by, with the two remaining quiet. Gibbs convinced her to climb back into the bed. Facing the opposite direction and looking out in the evening skies from his window, she shared the most traumatic experience of her life. Not even her parents, her two best friends in life, knew the _entire_ story behind her early departure from Central America.

"Michael and two other associates visited me from their worksites—Managua, Guatemala City, and Quito—to see my community school and the quilting circle…" she began. "They took over Tikal, my colleagues held hostage….didn't like Western values when it came to educating women…I was the youngest in our group…they were insistent—hiding me in that truck…but I didn't want to leave. The women in the village hid me in the van, covered me in quilts. Nora got in that van. She was skeptical of Americans, saw American women as a threat of taking away the culture. One day, Nora saw me at the Church, praying my rosary…realized she could trust me, God sent me there for a reason. She was the village authority—whatever she said, you did!"

Gibbs remembered Michael Franks' disposition the same way. He chuckled softly as well.

"She paid the old men to drive…and drive…drive us out of Tikal into Belize, where she knew it would be safe. We finally made it to Belmopan after a week. I smelled the gunfire, heard them just shooting, saw the guerillas killing innocent people…their own people. I begged the officials to give her and the men asylum, told them how the people risked their own lives to save me."

"How did they convince the guerillas?"

"They told them I was Hondurena, that I was an _Afro-Honduro, estudiante Garífuna._" It was term meaning multicultural ancestry. "It explained my height, my appearance-how I spoke English...They got rid of my glasses, my clothes…anything that raised curiosity, anything to save my life."

"You really loved Nora...**and **Michael." Gibbs said.

"I called Nora Abuelita—Little Grandma. She came with me, lived with me in the house. Her son, her husband was killed by the guerilla forces years before I arrived. Nora said to me –'Susanita-Mi amor por ti nunca se acabara porque te amo'—my love for you will never end, because I love you." She sighed. "Then, she passed away in her sleep about six months ago. I never knew how old she was—I guessed about 90 years old... As for Michael, the last thing we said to one another was '_Zoë mou, sas agapo.'" _

The tears flowed.

"Michael never made it home; he was killed in the village." Suzanne whispered.

"Come here, Susie." Gibbs embraced her gently, large caresses on her back.

_"ποτέ δεν θα περπατήσει μόνος του." _Gibbs wiped the tears with his thumb, gently caressing her face. She only knew a few Greek phrases but immediately recognized the romantic sentence: _you will never walk alone_.

Cuddled underneath the quilt, that was the first night in three years Suzanne peacefully slept, the first in years for Gibbs.


	2. A Man in Love

_**Rule 42: Never second guess yourself in a relationship and in life.**_

Jethro Gibbs finally recognized love after many years. The only problem was Rule 12: do not date coworkers. "They cloud judgment; things become too personal." He circumvented his own rule when it came to Suzanne McNamara, the neighborhood coffee girl. Gibbs viewed the exception as bending, not breaking the rule. She worked inside the building. Technically, she was a coworker. Mary was her immediate supervisor, not Gibbs or Director Vance.

He needed the lovingly, well-meaning slap to the back of the head, a consequence for not following the rule!

Gibbs realized that Suzanne interfered with his extraordinary investigative skill set, and it was becoming noticeable to others at NCIS. His demeanor changed—from the disciplined workaholic to the mellow. Suzanne inspired to fine-tune Gibbs' Rules in the 40's. "In the direst of circumstances, only in emergencies, would the emergency rules come to play." For the stoic Leroy Jethro Gibbs, it was a crisis; he was in love.

The couple managed to keep their dating status from others at work. Outside the work environment, Suzanne focused on the statistical data course for school. Their interest almost became public knowledge. Second semester classes began, meaning Suzanne visited less for coffee run Tuesdays and Thursdays. On busier days, she created self-service stations for employees to complete food orders downstairs.

"Hi, it's coffee time." The elevator chimed, Suzanne pushing a smaller cart with carafes and pastries. "Nothing like caffeine and sugar to boost the day…"

Gibbs remained at his desk while Suzanne cleaned and replenished the break area. He watched her movement, which seemed to flow slowly, then focused on his paperwork. Her sidebar conversations with Tony and McGee picked up key phrases—as he typed.

"You know me: work, work, work…" Suzanne smiled, continuing the task. "I have class tonight—statistical data…." The past several weeks Suzanne spent free moments finishing schoolwork and not Sunday dinner.

She completed the station, invited those to help themselves.

"Those who are interested in tomorrow's lunch…" she tapped on the order slip. "I'm leaving at 4:30 today."

Gibbs remained at his desk; he rarely visited the craft table. Suzanne walked over with the carafe.

"Thank you, Suzanne." Gibbs continued reading from his computer. By accident, their hands touched. Gibbs stroked the palm with his thumb, holding it longer than a 'casual' coincidence. Suzanne did not jerk her hand away. He even dared to comment on her perfectly tipped nails.

"Your hands are soft, Suz…" Gibbs smiled. "…for someone who constantly works in water."

"Thank you." Her eyes closed, head tilted downward.

The hands were the first intimate contact Gibbs had in three weeks.

Tony noticed the two.

"Are you…flirting, Suz?" DiNozzo walked over to Gibbs' desk.

The two continued gazing in each other's eyes.

"I…need my hand back." She chuckled and smiled.

"See you later, Gibbs."

"Bye, Suzanne."

For Gibbs it was difficult to hide true romantic intentions, though both agreed to keep their personal life personal. It was not a guess, his tender thoughts pertaining to Suzanne.

'**She loves poetry.' **

He chose the line for a beginning to his ode, _Man in Love, _a line from an e.e. cummings poem he studied in high school.

"_your slightest look easily will unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skillfully, mysteriously)her first rose—" e.e. cummings_

It was the appropriate time to open his heart.

"_Suzanne, I'm in love with you. I cannot stop thinking about you…"_ He scribbled. It surprised Gibbs as well, with pen in hand and paper in his basement, surrounded by machinery and wood. Through actions, he made small tokens of affection—a jewelry box, a pencil bin. Pursuing her through word may be the way, he concluded.

'_**I'm not Byron or Keats; I hope she likes it.' Jethro thought. **_

Gibbs paused, uncertain if his love was one-sided.

_**Does she love me? Oh, well…I need to write this out. **_ Once on paper, the secret was out. Gibbs loved Suzanne. The next line he jotted down an explanation.

"…_I know what love is; love is you." _

'**Powerful…'** he thought. Gibbs wondered how could he prove—or 'qualify,' Suzanne's favorite word, his proclamation. Only once he felt the emotion: Shannon. Besides Ducky, Suzanne knew Gibbs beyond the disciplined work-ethic, the pain of losing Shannon and daughter Kelly, the failed marriages and divorces. She never laughed or made snide remarks-only listened.

"_I admire your mind…"_ he smiled. _"It's a beautiful mind. You're not afraid to show people your intelligence but you're not a showoff. "_

'**Yeah...'** He smiled at his own handiwork. She despised people who both 'dumbed' down or talked over people and made the feeling perfectly clear. Rule 11 in the Book of McNamara: use your God-given intelligence to inspire, not humiliate. Only once, he observed Suzanne in action with a patron who only spoke Spanish. It was suggested by Dr. Mallard to get Suzanne from the 'bottom' to help with translation. Others looked in astonishment as she translated and responded the proper and colloquialisms. The comment stayed with him and others at NCIS:

"Don't let my job or my quietness fool you…" It was not common knowledge Suzanne held a degree in Government and spent several years studying and working in Latin America as a Peace Corps volunteer before joining NCIS. Gibbs concluded that the summary accurately described Lady Suzanne McNamara.

**Next…her beauty. ** She downplayed her beauty only slightly, but he conveyed more than artificial. Gibbs studied the photo, his favorite one. It was nothing special, just a black and white photo of Suzanne surrounded in daisies. In shyness, her eyes closed, tightly squinted, she smiled.

'**You don't realize how beautiful you are; do you?'** Gibbs asked aloud.

"_Your smile is a confessional…"_ He paused in the writing, glancing once more at the word 'confessional,' the first word from his mind. _"It is good for the soul—comforting when times are hard, mischievous when giving a zinger or muttering an innuendo, but joyful as your toothy, natural grin brightens a day. Your brown eyes speak, dances in celebration, hides personal upheavals but mostly inspire. The glances inspire from others best attempts, best efforts from all who encounter. You have beautiful eyes."_

Gibbs noticed bodies, the delicate curves called female. Suzanne was not an exception to the rule.

"_Oh, and I have noticed your body…" _Jethro chuckled.

_My mind is tired by just trying to keep up with your long, lavish legs. They are shapely, just right in heeled shoes in the black dress or denim jeans with your tennis shoes. I admire the care you give-immaculate nails, braided ebony locks, and the right touch of makeup. You are tempting."_ Gibbs noticed the sleep clothes, his well-worn NIS sweatshirt and pants she wore whenever spending the night. They were neatly folded, sitting on his workbench. From a distance, her scent remained in the air.

"_You are desirable. Suzanne, your lavender scent entices me_…_it takes every fiber of self-control to respect your wishes. Young lady_, _I long to know exactly __**where **__you place that fragrance that distracts me."_

'_**Nah.'**_ Gibbs almost scribbled the last line, the longing sentence, thinking it was too bold. He envisioned the pinkish tone on her cheek, a telling sign of embarrassment. I'm keeping the line, he muttered.

"_You, Suzanne, are a superhero. By day, you are the quintessential Diana Prince. You hide beauty underneath the baggy work clothes, the tortoise shell bifocals and quiet nature. It is a disguise. At boiling point, you are a surprising exotic flower in winter, a hibiscus." _

'_**She is rare.'**_ Gibbs chuckled and continued with his thoughts. _"My lawyer in training, you plan to fight evil with brains. You are armed with other alluring weaponry. My hibiscus, you are appealing, attractive, and warm. " _

_**The finale,**_ Gibbs said.

"_Suzanne, I adore you." _

_At the top of the final version was in bold capital letters, Rule 43: "__**Have I Told You Lately that I Love You?" **_

With cleared mind, he placed the letter in an envelope. It helped just to write—thought of it all as cathartic.

**Hibiscus in January?! Not in DC! **Gibbs pondered the ultimate, unexpected gesture with the letter. Shannon loved roses, while Suzanne appreciated carnations. It was after hours when he drove to the floral shop and selected an arrangement. Then, Gibbs proceeded to Suzanne's house. With flowers in hand, he pushed the doorbell, waiting for Suzanne to answer. While awaiting her presence, he chanted a personal mantra: _"This is right. It is meant to be."_


	3. A Man in Love (continued)

**_Rule 47:_****_Never leave a boy out there to do a man's job._**

Gibbs conducted and spoke as a man, merely doing his job. It accompanied the mantra of "right" and "meant to be." His romantic feeling evoked memories from his Stillwater, PA days during his teens. He was a boy then—restless but focused, focused enough and determined in getting what he wanted in life. Leroy Jethro Gibbs pursued Shannon in Stillwater. In Washington, he planned to woo Suzanne McNamara.

Fred barked and scratched on the door, alerting Suzanne a visitor was on the doorstep.

"Damn!" She changed into sweat clothes—Georgetown t-shirt and matching sweatpants—between work and classes. "I'm coming!" She answered, jogging downstairs.

"Who is it?!" Suzanne only wore her glasses at work and school. She rarely had them on at home. Three things she did upon entering the door, besides greeting her four-legged kid. Suzanne removed her glasses, unfastened the watch, Fred barked and stood between her and the door.

"Gibbs." The dog's barks settled, recognizing the voice.

"Oh, hi." Suzanne unlocked the deadbolt doors, cracked the door slightly, still uncertain whether it was Gibbs. She reached for her glasses, slipped them on.

"Were you asleep?" Gibbs asked.

"No." She fully opened the door. "I was getting ready for a shower."

Gibbs walked inside and kissed Suzanne gently on the cheek. With hands trembling, he passed the bouquet.

"What's this?" She smiled, noticing the note. Suzanne deadbolt the door once again, acknowledged Fred for alertness with a head rub. "It's not Valentines' Day…my birthday was last month."

"Read it." Gibbs suggested. He made himself comfortable in the home, going into the kitchen for a drink. He fumbled around the cabinets. "Something I wanted to tell you…"

"I guess I will…" she chuckled. While standing, Suzanne opened the envelope and quietly read the note. She glanced at him.

"You don't keep liquor in the house?" Gibbs asked.

"Really?!" She answered with a slight grin crossed her face.

"I'd thought the statistics class would drive you to drink."

"Not yet. I have a beer or two in the refrigerator." She offered and then chuckled. Moments passed in silence, and her facial expression changed to shock. Her mouth, slightly opened, the eyes rapidly moved from the paper to Gibbs, digesting each word on the page.

"Wow…" Suzanne muttered.

She heard Gibbs' voice when her eyes noted each handwritten word. The key line echoed: _'Have I told you lately that I love you?' _

Gibbs chuckled, opting for water and sitting on the couch. "That's it?! All you can say is 'wow', Suzanne? I am opening my heart to you…"

"Wait, Gibbs…_Jethro._.." Suzanne's voice trembled. She joined him on the couch, reached for his hand as she offered a lengthy explanation. Gibbs placed a finger across her lips.

"Rule 46—'Never leave a boy out there to do a man's job …'" Gibbs whispered and smiled.

"I just wanted to tell you, if you've doubted... romance." Gibbs and Suzanne kissed slowly and skillfully, with him nibbling and licking her lips. She moaned softly. His excitement continued along her neck, her earlobe. Her hands grasped the base of his neck, slow caressing his hair. Gibbs stopped, cuddled with Suzanne instead. With gentleness, he slipped off her glasses to glimpse in her eyes.

"I love staring in your eyes, Susie." Gibbs complimented.

"What are they saying?"

"I'm falling in love with you, Jethro."

She nodded, admitting her admiration with a self-assured smile returning to her face.


End file.
